This is my 100 Days To Offload space. Basically 100 blog posts in one year.
As of 4/9/22 I am at 7/100 posts.
The End date is 3/21/23.
#12 - 4/16/22
I keep trying to find a blogging platform that is somewhere between Wordpress in terms of ease but much smaller. Everything else seems to want to use Markdown and I HATE IT. It slows down my groove when I'm writing. Weirdly enough 750 words is really good for me writing wise and I can edit things I want after.
I go to Mastodon (a decentralized alternative to Twitter). I have some fun and its nice. There are a lot of UI things I prefer to Twitter. There are some small things that drive me nuts but it's nice to have little conversations and slowly build things up within a small group of people. Nobody on Twitter really cared about me.
But the honeymoon phase is fading fast. There is a lot of crap despite the insistence on progressiveness. There seem to be a lot more active fascist, pedophilic and other nastiness based instances. And even progressive ones are actually pretty ok with racism so long as its communists as opposed to Nazis. Its easy to mute whole instances, so that's nice.
But still, a lot of privileged folk went here to escape culpability for the white supremacy to climate genocide pipeline and its depressing. Its a lot of people I like too. Such is the fate of being multiply-marginalized without blasting it out. People think you are ok with disturbing shit. With all the death that is slowly going quieter and quieter in the night. I ran from the algorithm to escape that control. Not to stick my head in the sand and believe Zuckerberg and those other rich Techbro assholes invented bigotry.
I predate the internet. Bigotry was there. The internet was my way to escape, be myself and connect with others like me. It will always be that for me and I am appreciative of folk who don't have to care, but do. But there are so many assholes whether the net is centralized or not. Its draining. Sometimes I wonder if it has the potential to be worse. Bigotry was pretty popular in pre-social media internet despite all the rose tinted glasses. I guess I'm scared to return to those days because I remember being a kid who didn't have an image of the future other than death.
But the more I think about it, the more I miss certain things about LiveJournal that can never be reclaimed. The focus on personal blogging, on a whenever you want schedule. I think character limit mediums just aren't for me 100%. Especially when I want to really go through my thoughts. Like this. How many tweets/toots is this? A few, I bet.
So back to the, I want to do a blog. Do I just cave in and do a wordpress? I'd at least would like to host it somewhere else. I'm a little tired of manually doing HTML especially as I can't tag. It would be cool to be able to look back on things in a year. But I also want a webgarden, link dump, etc. And in one place as I have a short attention span.
#11 - 4/15/22
I've been dumping on https://750words.com/ for writing and I'm not 100% sure what to bring over here if anything. Its such a stream of conciousness word soup.
I just made a blog here: write.wien.rocks/jrstorytime/
Nothing yet but I might be migrating this over there if I like it enough.
Donations for later:
The Burden of Being (2020), directed by Rodrick Pocowatchit
The 6th World (2012), directed by Nanobah Becker
#10 - 4/12/22
I'm thinking about a blog/web garden hybrid site. Something that doesn't necessarily prioritize dates so that information becomes meaningless but an easy way to tag and sort information by topic or type. The "simpliest" way seems to be wordpress, which I am not the biggest fan of it. However the tagging system would make things simplier. Every other blog forces by date and seems it would take too much customization to do what I want.
I'm also thinking of doing a digital archival project. Especially in regards to multiple/multiply marginalized folk and art, websites, videos, etc. Whenver I look back to see what we did there is evidence but scant and often locked up in institutions where most folk can't access it easily, even if it is available to look at. Especially as the algorithim closes in more on the superficial and commidifiable.
This site looks interesting in this regard. It also preloads survival and wikipedia stuff, which I like. Which would be good in an emergency. I live in an area which loses power sometimes and we never know what the future will bring.
#9 - 4/11/22
I also soaked mung bean sprouts and will start sprouting again.
I'm really thinking about meal planning and leaning into the fact that sometimes I like to graze. I don't hate cooking, but I just can't do it all the time without feeling burnout and stress.
A sample grocery list:
Snackage: trail mix, applesauce, veggie/fruit juice/smoothie, chips/salsa/greek yogurt/red and black beans, popcorn
Junk: ramen, canned baked beans, prepackaged meals like pasta sides
Staples: leafy green mix, pasta, rice, tomato sauce (no salt), pasta sauce, lactose free cheese, pureed veggies (like beet and winter squash), cauliflower, tortilla
Look into - no salt/low salt alternatives
#8 - 4/10/22
I need to eat more vegetables. Here are some recipes that look okay and that I should try:
Places I should go:
Things to do:
#7 - 4/9/22
I'm not sure if this counts but I was cleaning my tags and wanted to save certain things. Then every so often I will go through, organize and get rid of things that don't interest me any more. I still have over 100 tabs on my phone but my laptop is actually pretty clean.
In real life cleaning, I was going through my books, zines and other random items. It was a very productive morning!
#6 - 4/8/22
#5 - 4/7/2022
I guess I'm tired of the "representational media won't kickstart the anarchist/communist/whatever revolution" so it doesn't matter. Toilets won't do that either, but you see less arguments to get rid of those.
#4 - 4/3/22
Dang I am blogging nearly every day. However I put such personal stuff here I'm not sure I want to share it with the greater world or at least social media. It is here for some people to stumble up on though.
I did my check in and I have been successfully tackling my anxiety. Late February and early March were not great but I am improving and that's the important part.
Internet deep dives are interesting. I started with Youth Abolition then ended up into anti-copyright territory and finally found a Save the Internet podcast which looks up my alley. I kind of want to revive the internaut diary thing but in a different way.
#3 - 4/2/22
I was advised by a medical expert to look into getting an Autism diagnosis and subsequent therapy for certain issues. I've googled around and most is for young children or those less exploitable by capitalism. I'm actually decently exploitable and financially support two adults with health issues. I own a car and a home in a generation where most neurotypical folk don't have that. I'm married and honestly a bit on the aro/ace spectrum so I don't need to date and wouldn't want to even if my marriage dissolved. And so much of the socialization/habit training is to attain these things. So what now? Also how did I cheat the system?
What I guess I want is to be less creepy and be able to participate at in person events, especially social justice stuff. But I'm worried about how off putting I can be in person and just causing more emotional labor when I don't mean to.
But I wonder if there will be a price to it? I see a lot of discussion about it on the net. Very rarely postive.
There are a lot of things I like about me. I just do what I want and this has created a safe place for the few that know me. I wonder where my husband would be if we hadn't found eachother. He's done a lot for me as well. Maybe I'd feel much different if I didn't have him, but I do.
Can I genuinely be a positive spot for other people or just my family? Logically I feel like community building is so important, but also feel like a hypocrite as I don't really do that.
Now I'm kind of bummed out. I wonder if I will ever be excited to get this stuff done. I hate doctor stuff so much.
#2 - 4/1/22
Dreams: I've had an on again off again dream about a large home with weird geometry that seems to change with each dream. I've had this dream a few times over a decade. What is interesting is how memorable it is to me, I do have a lot of dreams that I don't really remember.
One of the previous dreams had a horror vibe of going deeper and deeper into the house and finding the creepy end spot. Funnily enough it was only dream scary, as in dream me was scared. Waking me is like, lol wtf why was I that scared of creepy animatronics?
This time is was a much nicer dream about building community. Truth be told I have been yearning to do so, but afraid of rejection. There was also that in the dream. I am glad my dreams are very straight forward.
What is funny to waking me is that dream me remembered the scary things and noped out of exploring the house once I hit a certain point. Dream me knew what was coming so I avoided the horror outcome.
In less interesting news I had a nosebleed this morning before eating so a lot of blood went into my stomach and gave me a tummy ache. :( It finally stopped a few minutes ago.
People are really invested in the following:
Maybe its because I am a brown savage but even as blessed as my life is, I am still not so special as that slavery, death, torture camp, etc couldn't be a reality. And the reality that I lost so much culture and soul. And what I gained was intergenerational trauma, isolation but some nice stuff.
What is it like to live in a reality that nice things can be obtained without sacrafice and blood? That bad things won't happen to you so the nice stuff can still occur.
I don't know if it makes me an asshole but I've accepted the functional extinction of my people is very likely in the coming years so its hard for me to connect with the idea we can all be saved. My people aren't even being saved now. People who aren't 'my people' are also dying horribly too.
Its not that I want people to die, its that economy of scale and progress has always been at our the expense of our communities and lives. But its going to be different with nicer people in charge?
I would be happy to be proven wrong but 🤷🏽
#1 - 3/31/2022 - Its nearly 3 AM where I am and I can't sleep. I finally looked into Ukraine stuff and ough. As a child of refugees/child war survivors certain things about this situation hit hard for me. On both sides, which I think I am not supposed to admit. Overall I am sad for the smaller folk as the 'important people' play out their conflicts with lives that were often struggling to begin with. No matter who wins generations will carry the trauma.
Understanding Ukrainian Nazism | MR Online - I don't agree with the conclusion considering the various groups that suffer under both Ukraine and Russia and don't win either way but the information is useful.
Many Roma Refugees Are Stuck in Temporary Shelters, Activists in Poland Say - The Tablet - I am trying to find ways to donate money for this but I haven't found it yet...