πŸ“– JR's Diary πŸ”–

Archive - June 2023

7/24/23 - Feeling peaceful from the beach still. I'm thinking about moving there but it would take years if I do it responsibly. My mental health has been bad for years. I'm fortunate and don't enjoy it, which at least is a bit of a waste.

I'm listening to CL Polk's Witchmark as an audiobook (https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/a8d4efa7-9b72-49d3-bc5c-d3c352b171f0). I'm enjoying my time with it. Its a genre I generally don't bother with, urban mystery fantasy romance. This one is slow and cozy. I'm not sure why I'm ok with this one. Its a tad cheesy but not overwhelmingly so.

Another cranky day. I really thought about my irritability. My anxiety. I'm going to up my meds (doctor ok'd) and see if that helps.

I'm also trying to be ok with my cranky self. That I can take care of my cranky self. This seems to help.

7/25/23 - Sunny this morning, rainy at night.

I hate public bathrooms. I hate public bathrooms. I hate public bathrooms.

Just read Red Jellies by Lina Rather (https://giganotosaurus.org/2020/02/01/thin-red-jellies/). Its about a young couple sharing a body and the struggles it brings. I really liked it, but its not a happy story.

7/26/23 - Warm, not has humid as the previous few weeks. Okish outside. Although my spouse and I tried to go to a trail after work. We quickly left due to mosquitos and lack of repellent. Hopefully we will remember that for next time.

I did a bookshelf purge. I am getitng rid of most of my books. I'm looking at them but don't feel much emotional attachment. I will be putting them in little free libraries. There are a ton around and the books I put in tend to go fast, probably as they are nicer quality.

That said I do have a few books incoming. Not enough to fill my shelf but I appreciate the room.

Before that, I am halfway through Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh with Sena Bryer (Narrator). I am listening to the audiobook and Bryer does a phenominal job. Tesh's previous novella dualogy (Greenhollow) was lovely. While I expected to have a solid time with this novel, I didn't not expect it to rip my heart out. If it keeps going like this, will probably be a top of the year.

"A thrillingly told queer space opera about the wreckage of war, the family you find, and who you must become when every choice is stripped from you, Some Desperate Glory is Astounding Award Winner and Crawford Award Finalist Emily Tesh’s highly anticipated debut novel."

Link: https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/d3554318-b227-4225-89c4-d93412272ec6

Incoming books:

1) The Dragon of Ynys by Minerva Cerridwen - Every time something goes missing from the village, Sir Violet makes his way to the dragon's cave and negotiates the item's return. It's annoying, but at least the dragon is polite.

But when the dragon hoards a person, that's a step too far. Sir Violet storms off to the mountainside to escort the baker home, only to find a more complex mystery-a quest that leads him far beyond the cave. Accompanied by the missing baker's wife and the dragon himself, the dutiful village knight embarks on his greatest adventure yet.

The Dragon of Ynys is an inclusive fairy tale for all ages.

Link: https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/0085ebc5-e89a-4e93-a72e-79f3c2815baa

2) Escaping Exodus #1 by Nicky Drayden - Earth is a distant memory. Habitable extrasolar planets are still out of reach. For generations, humanity has been clinging to survival by establishing colonies within enormous vacuum-breathing space beasts and mining their resources to the point of depletion. Rash, dreamy, and unconventional, Seske Kaleigh should be preparing for her future role as clan leader, but her people have just culled their latest beast, and she’s eager to find the cause of the violent tremors plaguing their new home. Defying social barriers, Seske teams up with her best friend, a beast worker, and ventures into restricted areas for answers to end the mounting fear and rumors. Instead, they discover grim truths about the price of life in the void. Then, Seske is unexpectedly thrust into the role of clan matriarch, responsible for thousands of lives in a harsh universe where a single mistake can be fatal. Her claim to the throne is challenged by a rival determined to overthrow her and take controlβ€”her intelligent, cunning, and confident sister. Seske may not be a born leader like her sister, yet her unorthodox outlook and incorruptible idealism may be what the clan needs to save themselves and their world.

Link: https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/6b6e3065-2add-4e1b-8509-ed0bf571251a

3) Skyward Inn by Aliya Whiteley - A thoughtful, literary novel about conflict, identity and community, after Earth makes contact with the seemingly harmless planet Qita. A fresh new perspective in speculative fiction from critically-acclaimed writer Aliya Whiteley.

Drink down the brew and dream of a better Earth.

Skyward Inn, within the high walls of the Western Protectorate, is a place of safety, where people come together to tell stories of the time before the war with Qita.

But safety from what? Qita surrendered without complaint when Earth invaded; Innkeepers Jem and Isley, veterans from either side, have regrets but few scars.

Their peace is disturbed when a visitor known to Isley comes to the Inn asking for help, bringing reminders of an unnerving past and triggering an uncertain future.

Did humanity really win the war?

Link: https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/ffb7b385-e101-45a6-94c1-5e53055621c0

4) Royal Rescue by A. Alex Logan - At age eighteen, when they become marriageable, all royal children in the Thousand Kingdoms must either go questing to rescue another royal or be hidden away to await rescue themselves. Some go the traditional route of princes rescuing princesses, but not all princes want to be rescuers...and some would rather rescue other princes.

Then there's Prince Gerald, who has no interest in getting married at all. When he refuses to choose a role as either rescuer or rescuee, his royal parents choose for him and have him magicked away to a distant tower to await a spouse.

Gerald, however, is having none of it. He recruits his guardian dragon and a would-be rescuer and soon the trio is dashing to all corners of the united kingdoms on a quest to overturn the entire system.

Link: https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/68bd9ee4-f23d-46e3-b013-f316fbd1cda9

7/20/23 - I slept all of Thursday morning. Its Thursday afternoon. I'm still not great, not looking forward to tomorrow. I need to return to work. I should be ok. Hopefully.

I'm tired but can't sleep. Slept too much.

I've caught up with Sad Boyz (https://sadboyzpod.com/). I am now listening to The Golden Age of Internet Piracy by Srsly Wrong (https://srslywrong.com/). Such good stuff, its amazing how consistently knowledge, accessible and quality this podcast is.

7/21/23 - Whelp I discovered c2pa while trying to sleep. Sleep avoided! Stuff like this makes me wonder how long until the stuff I like in inaccesible.

I'm trying to find some fun, escapist media to not worry and reduce my anxiety. Its not working. I am in a deep crank state where everything annoys me. Even stuff I probably would enjoy in a better mood. I wish I could leave myself for a bit until morale improves.

Later - My mood is a bit better. But still looking for fun things to distract me. But I'm always drawn to something with a little bit of politics or educational content. I used to enjoy fiction a lot more. I wonder why this changed. Although I do want to catch up on the latest Murderbot book.

Later 2 - My library haul came in. I read 2 graphic novels: Red Rosa: A Graphic Biography of Rosa Luxemburg by Kate Evans and Covid Chronicles. Honestly some heavy stuff that ripped my heart out. Dr. Luxemburg is such an interesting person, basically writing about globalization 50 years before the term is coined. And now I'm looking into her writings.

7/22/23 - Finally went to the asian market and got good stuff. Including cilantro and mint. Time to have rice stick noodles, duck, nuoc mam and the fresh herbs. Om nom nom.

Still cranky and a bit hurty after all that walking around.


Saving the Tiny Bog Turtle Could Have a Big Impact on Conservation - https://appvoices.org/2023/04/25/saving-bog-turtle/

On The Work of Sex Work with Matilda Bickers by The Final Straw Radio - https://thefinalstrawradio.noblogs.org/

My short midgnight.pub post - https://midnight.pub/posts/1483

Basic First Aid for Emergencies Zine - https://www.tangledwilderness.org/skills-series

7/23/23 - I will never have all the zines and it makes me sad. (https://antharris.co/2022/06/14/zines-1-32/)

7/24/23 - I went to the beach yesterday. Sand and seawater on my feet. I feel at peace.


Wild Heart Homestead - https://tickfoot.sensorstation.co/


Blergh. Another sick day. I feel like I'm meling, the room is spinning and want to puke. I also want thick, creamy soup my stomach won't tolerate due to lactose intolerance. The Panera broccoli cheddar or wild rice soup in a bread bowl comes to mind.

I started a new game of Avernum: Escape from the Pit. Its an old crpg that has a lot of little loot and story bits to find. Lots of killing things and getting treasure. Its and interesting, slow build of a game with different ending routes. This one feels like it is going quickly, as I understand the combat and leveling up better.

I listened to:

Anark Interview with SRSLY WRONG | Revolutionary Prefiguration - SRSLY WRONG is an overall amazing, upbeat Utopian podcast. A way to think about positive changes without ending up in a doomerist pit of desapir. This one is about preconfiguration, or small changes that build up.

Zoe Baker on Anarchism and Marxism | From Alpha to Omega Podcast

ADHD, Capitalism and Disability Activism, Written by the Solidarity Federation - I'm most interested in disability political stuff. Especially considering how mainstream liberal disability politics is about those who are more exploitable by capitalism tossing those who are less under the bus (paraphrasing from the audio). Something that isn't sustainable long term.


Overtime this weekend. And its shitty and gray out. My head is killing me.

My blog at tilde.town.

After overtime, it took awhile but my headache is mostly gone. I unsubscribed to a few services and subscribed to the Haymarket book club. Watch My Smoke: The Eric Dickerson Story by Eric Dickerson and Greg Hanlon seems to be my favorite out of the batch I received this month. Its a memoir about a black 'Murican football player from the 80s and his struggles with the NFL/team managers. Its written as if the man is talking to you. An easy read.

Cool Things: Pilosophos' Circle, citizen_eight's blog


Finish Gundam: The Witch from Mercury and unsubscribe from Crunchyroll. Most of the stuff I like seems to be on HiDive nowadays minus that one.

Third World Film Reel - movies to watch here.

Get usb for linux lite

Watch Palante


Today I finished a post, NoteTaking Navel Gazing from Midnight.pub.

Its thundering out. Kitty is scared and demanding pets. I'm glad she feels safe with us.

Its Friday, another week of my life in the past rather than present/future. Its weird to think about. At best, a third of my life is gone. When I go over it, its ok. Could be much worse. But in a fantasy world I live on the beach.

I am planning a trip in the USA, but want to try going out. I will probably try Puerto Rico since its climate wise similar to where I want to go (Mexico/CentralAm/SouthAm) but doesn't require a passport. But this might be in a year or two.

Ugh I keep forgetting my daily Spanish. I need a task tracker.


I found this massive list of alternative front ends and I'm going to pin it here for future use.

I try not to be overwhelmingly salty but I am in such a salty mood.

I was accepted into tilde.town and played around. Its confusing. A bit interesting. Nothing noteworthy yet. Can't figure out how to comment on posts w/o replying on BBJ.

I'm tired in my soul, I think.

After a shower, it kind of helped?

Even later, I discovered I missed my meds for two days. Oh dear.

Cool Things I've Been Watching/Listening to Lately

Ep. 27 Q & Gay | Questions You May Have Hesitated to Ask A Gay Guy | Que Dijo Podcast Full Episode - We surveyed fellow allies on social media, as well as family and friends, and asked if they had any unanswered questions that they may have hesitated to ask a gay guy.
Fun, light hearted and informative regarding sexual health. I've been looking for fun Latino LGBT stuff since Latinos Who Lunch ended.

The Mass Extinction Debates: A Science Communication Odyssey - In which the dinosaurs go extinct and 66 million years later people get angry about it. What killed the dinosaurs? Maybe you think you know. Many others thought they knew. They saw hundreds of years of scientific progress, shifting paradigms, and explosive arguments behind them, and decided they were at the end. The K-Pg extinction was settled. Then it exploded again. And again. And it kept exploding way more than any layperson today really appreciates, revealing more about science and its communication than you ever imagined. This is the story of the mass extinction debates.
A 2 hour epic exploring the very nature of truth and exploring process of science.

How JavaScript Ruined the Web - Ever noticed how bad the modern web is getting? Why is every website a slow, laggy, buggy mess? Whatever happened to the good old days, when websites were simpler? In this video, I'll talk about how the rise of JavaScript frameworks like React have been a disaster for the internet...
A short 15 minute video about the rise of Javascript framework dominiation.

Why Does Greek Music Sound Eastern? - And Why It's a Dumb Question - Man talks in Greece about things.png This video is an in-depth discussion and analysis of the discrepancy between our typical understanding of Greece worldwide, and its nature as cultural force situated between and having aspects of both Western and Eastern cultural zones, and how recent political narratives emphasised the former at the expense of the latter. Please remember that as always, these discussions have a broad historical scope, therefore responses like "what about Greek jazz/rock/metal" are irrelevant to a scope focused on the permanent generalities of Greek music over 2500 years, not just the previous 50.
An hour long exploration of history and music. Also some awesome music in the background.

Why Does Every Single Western Communist Party Suck? - Why don't Maoists join currently existing "Communist" Parties? Why do these parties tend to suck?
An interesting critique and also linked to these resources: 1, 2, 3, 4

Favorite PBS Short Films

Monograph: Guadelupe Robinson - Jackie Clay explores Alabama's rich tapestry of creative works and artistic endeavors.
A short about a Mexican woman that works with clay. It was well done and doesn't over stay its welcome. But also I'm a sucker for craft/artisan centric stuff.

Kumu Niu - "Niu Now" revives coconut culture in O'ahu, spreading Indigenous wisdom of "aloha 'āina."
Its a film about people growing their own food and having a spiritual connection with life and the land. So I loved it.

Plum Town - A young land developer returns home to the family plum orchard in the Chinese countryside.
A family centric drama about a father and son reconnecting. I really liked this one. The dialogue and acting were pretty good. I enjoyed the mix of comedy and feels.

Everything Wrong and Nowhere to Go - A comedic self-portrait delving into climate psychology and coping with climate anxiety.
My favorite so far. The editing is so interesting and the journey to conclusion feels just perfect.


Yesterday I was pretty salty. Ironically enough when the sun came out, it was a beautiful day and I was in a better mood.

I don't disagree with the notion entirely. What is the point of my life? The small moments maybe. But sometimes those aren't enough. I'm definitely looking for something bigger but I'm not sure what yet. For normal folk its connection but what happens what that is hardmode for you?

Although we temporarily had our water cut. But its back. No explanation yet either. Gotta love monopolies, we can't switch.

Its early in the morning. Again. This is my time. I have to go to work. But I feel asleep around 7ish last night so I should be ok.

I'm watching the PBS short film festival. The first two films were meh.

I'm thinking about switching to zonelets as the main draw of this site seems to be the diary. But last time I used it, I couldn't get it to work properly. Although converting everything would be a pain, so maybe not...


πŸ’’ Fuck anxiety. Seriously fuck it. I hate waking up before the sun rises. I need my rest so I can work. I need to leave ontime so I make it to work on time. Fuck this fucking bullshit. This sucks. Why is sleep so hard????

So I was watching a short film called Its Just a Five Minute Walk. I couldn't even finish it. It was triggering my vertigo and anxiety. But also the interaction where the young woman misinterprets the situation and pisses her friend off, it hit. I do this whenever I honestly engage with normal folk. Or I guess allistic folk?

I was recommended to get testing for autism by a medical professional. I didn't as its a lot of money out of pocket. And also, it feels like the end. I guess I've always hoped I would just find the right people and things would click. But the older I get, the more it seems like probably not. And if I have brain structure that fundamentally alienates me from most of general society... I guess I wonder what the point of my life is? Its going to work, earning money to not die and distracting myself until I die.

Most of the people I think are cool will find me gross and off putting. Shitty people will try to scam me and I'll be more vulnerable to it and that is just life?

This is it? This is my life?


cheetah sitting unamused in rain

🌧 Will the gloomy gray end? Who knows.

πŸ₯± Its hard to get up. Time for bagel pizza breakfast.

🧳 I want to travel more. I'm looking into it. I wonder how much I can travel without going broke. Is it bougie to stay I am bored of where I live? But a lot of events occur at least 1 to 2 hours away. If not more.

Site wise I am playing around with different formatting per pages. Its fun!


πŸ’’ I am in such a foul mood for no reason. I guess maybe the lack of sun for about a week. That would do it.

✨ I also want attenion but my brain is numb or slow so its hard to talk about things to people.

😑 I don't know why but sometimes I get frustrated with eating, drinking, basic care things. Over and over I do the same thing. It gets tiring and boring. A strange way to think of living, but there it is.

πŸŠβ€β™‚οΈ My bathing suit came in. The bottom is good, the top is too small. In the process of exchanging it. I might just do a t-shirt and the bottoms until the tops comes in. I also received shorts. The shorts are very loose but they are just for chilling in the house.

🧊 I went out and took a shower. I feel like a different person. I want an iced tea from the store. Its a bad mentality but it tastes colder and fresher from the store than my fridge. Should I quit this bad habit?

πŸ˜” Where did the weekend go? Its almost tomorrow and time for a new work week.


☁ Cloudy gray day.

🌐 Listening to Smosh while playing around on Archive.org. Backing up the mp3 files for the Indigenous Politics podcast.

πŸ’€ A lazy Saturday so far, no beach today as its rainy. And this weekend as well. I will hopefully receive my bathing suit next week. I'm excited. I hope it all fits.

πŸ“ In terms of the website idea I had below, I am using tumblr for now. Its the easiest middle ground between ease of use, and ability to connect with folks. I was reflecting that my own website would be disconnected from the net. I don't need millions of followers but would like some interaction and even make a few friends!

πŸ‘¨β€πŸŒΎ I also found a cool account called zine-garden that is also celebrating IZM2023.


β˜” A rainy Friday. I'm currently reading Out in the union : a labor history of queer America by Miriam Frank. Its an accessible read packed with a lot of information. I'm learning alot!

🍜 I've been eating too much junk food lately. I don't know why. Actually I think I figured it out. It was the weather and feeling awful. Stress/comfort eating.

🚧 Now to work on my site layout. Again.


After work. If I had told younger me I'd watch Smosh again in 2023 I would be in awe. Its not too bad. Cheesy but pretty on brand.


Another super early morning post, due to not being able to fall asleep. Archive.org is down so I can't finish Spitboy. Also Twitter is super annoying. Archive.org has a link to their twitter for news, but with the rate limit I guess that they are also cracking down on non-account browsing. I can't see any posts and get the sign-up wall. I just hope everyone moves their news off twitter. It wasn't accesible to begin with and now it is even worse.


Its more properly morning. I was woken up a bit early by my cat racing around the house. She has issues using the bathroom sometimes, we knew this at adoption. Sometimes her brain bluescreens, or she panics. Especially if some of it is sticking on her rear. After that was taken care of I tried to go back to sleep but was too awake. I went to bed early last night so its not that bad.


After work, I finished Spitboy. I feel like there is a lot missing but it was still an entertaining romp. Its one of those, now what do I do with my life? Moments.


I am in the middle of Soviet Farmers By Anna Louise Strong 1944, freely available by Lady Idzihar. Its a very easy read about changes of farm life during and post Nazi invasion. I prefer the mundane history that her site and youtube show off.

My brain is lead. This week will be rain on and off along with the pressure and humidity. I guess its better for us if it rains, but I wish I didn't feel so awful.

Another workout, its taking me a shorter time to do. Hopefully I didn't pull my back this time!

A short time later and I've finished Soviet Farmers. Very accessible, I really enjoy Strong's style. As someone who likes learning but not pretentious adademic language it was so refreshing!

Afterwork, I'm now reading The Spitboy rule: tales of a Xicana in a female punk band by Michelle Cruz Gonzales. Its a short and easy to read memoir about Gonzales' days as a member of the feminist punk band, Spitboy. Love it to pieces so far.


I made my first post on midnight.pub about Everything Must Go (2010), a Will Ferrel dramatic film.

My latest haul from the library is a bit disappointing. I think I ordered too many how to books. Useful but not entertaining. So completely my own fault.

I wish I could be minimalist regarding books. But I want a massive pile to flop in like Scrooge McDuck.

I think about hoarding alot. I would love a massive collection of zines and books by marginalized folk, but I wonder if anyone would want this stuff after I'm gone. Where would this go? Just in the trash? That would make me sad. But it makes me sad how much of this stuff gets lost within a few years. And I hate that. Is there a point to clinging onto things, hoping for some sort of permanence where there is none.

I'm really inspired by folk like Lady Idzihar who make digital backups of older media and maybe that is what I will focus on. Along with things I discover.

In order to do this I am trying to learn Jekyll so that blogging will be easier. I constantly grow frustrated with hand html coding. Its fine for a small site but I like to share a lot of resources and learnings and it gets frustrating fast.

I used tiddlywiki for a bit. It was fine, but also a little frustrating. That said easier than hand coding everything. But I didn't like how much of the editor stuff remanined when you put the website live. But also I wanted it there for when I needed to make edits.

Wish me luck.


95% humidity

I actually did about 20 minutes of working out! That said its a modified senior workout so I am still very out of shape, but we all have to start somewhere.

I was very cranky yesterday but noticed that my tumblr zine database got some likes and reblogs. It warmed my heart. I'm working on updating it pulling the information from Google Sheets to raindrop.io. Raindrop is just easier, looks nicer on my end and on mobile. Click here if you are curious.

Lunch time - I seem to have pulled my back while working out, it hurts. I put some cream to help. Maybe?


I hear the birds singing outside. I hear the rain pouring.


International Zine Month, lets go! I'm planning on doing 1 page a day to make a zine. Hopefully I can release it. I have so many half made zines tucked away in places.

I just did 1 page, hoping to do 1 page a day for 31 pages of text and the rest can be drawings/pictures.